a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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