so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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