I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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