Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
