Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
