you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
