after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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