Dual....:-)
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
