He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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