I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
