feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
