I'm laying in your front yard are you home
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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