I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Someone shattered a urinal.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
