i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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