I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
