At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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