Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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