Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
