She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
