1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
