It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
