I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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