I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
