Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
