The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
