I wannas sexs uuuuu
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
