I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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