i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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