Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
