His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
