If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
