Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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