What a fucking waste of an outfit
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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