the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
