I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
