I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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