im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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