There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
