it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
