the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
