Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
