Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
