Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
jump out the window naked night went bad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
