Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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