Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
