Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
