glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
