I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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