I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
