Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
