I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
