you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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