well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
