So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
