I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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