I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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